(no subject)

[hatman]

Was chatting with a friend about a job recording automated phone voices for companies like Microsoft. I don't know how they do it in the US, but I was thinking about how it might be kind of cool to do that as an odd job, too. But then I realized that I'd be way too tempted to go off-script..

"If you are calling with a billing question, you must press 1. For I, [Batman/Zurg/He-Man, Master of the Universe/General Zod], declare it so! If you're calling with a technical question..."

"Mwahaha! Puny human! I am the Microsoft central computer, and I run your entire life!! Hahahaha! You are completely within my thrall! I will -- Microsoft Domination has caused a General Protection Fault in memory sector 2814. Rest assured that if I had a screen instead of a voice, it would be blue. Please wait. Rebooting system. ... Hello! Thank you for calling the Microsoft Technical Support Helpline. If you're resorting to calling this number, odds are you're pretty much doomed. But, if you want to give it a try anyway, do feel free to stay on the line, and I'm sure a representative will be with you. Eventually. At some point. Really. But, in the meantime, may I suggest shopping for a new computer? If yours isn't obsolete yet, it will be by the time we get around to fixing your problem. If you do get a new computer, may I suggest getting the latest and greatest version of our software? Now 30% less prone to fatal crashes and other gli -- Microsoft Helpline has encountered a fatal error. Yes, it's the blue screen. Again. Please wait. Rebooting... Oops! Looks like we had a little crash there. Which means you've lost your place in line, and got bumped all the way back down to number 1701. ... Just kidding! Sorry. You didn't lose your place. I'm sure a representative will be with you any moment now. Yep. Anytime. Really. ... Well, while we're waiting, how about a little vocabulary lesson? I know! It'll be more fun if you look it for yourself! There are several freely available dictionaries online, and... Oh, that's right. Your computer isn't working. Sorry. Well, all the better. You can dig up that old print dictionary and have some fun. Try looking up the word 'defenestration'! It'll come in real handy..."

Yeah, I'd suck at that job.

But speaking of giant evil corporations, kaylle pointed out the Buy N Large website (tie-in to Pixar's WALL-E, which you really should see). Check it out. I love the "core values" section under "our company." And the news articles. And all sorts of stuff. Someone clearly had a lot of fun putting that together, and it really should be appreciated. Also, this t-shirt rocks.

Comments

[schnuffichen.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[laramoon.livejournal.com]

You know, I used to do that, record phone system messages like that. Well, not messages like *THAT ONE* but, you know: "Pour le service en français, appuyez sur le 1. For service in English, please press 2." Back when I worked in a telecom services company.

The funniest part was when I answered the phone myself (because that was my actual job, answering phones) and people would kind of pause after I answered and go "oh! I'm sorry, I thought you were the recording." hehehe! ;)

I so miss that job...