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For the last year and change, most of my social life (such as it is) has been in the Twitch music community. I've "met" some awesome people there. And it's done me a lot of good to just have the beautiful live music to carry me through when I'm too sick to do literally anything else. So I'm tempted to try to go to TwitchCon this year. (It's in late October in San Jose.)
On the one hand, it's a great opportunity to meet some people who have become very special to me. And to hear them play live. It would mean a lot.
On the other hand, there are a lot of questions and drawbacks.
First off, health. (See the last couple of entries if you're not familiar.) Going to ECCC took a lot out of me. I was a flat out wreck for a week and a half when I got back.
Also, I don't stream. And I tend to lurk a lot in chat. And I've been missing a lot of streams lately. So I'm not sure how much a part of the community I really am at this point, let alone what I might be six months from now. Would I be going just to end up lurking off to the side? Would I be invited to the parties and sessions outside of the con? Would I be intruding? Would people busy trying to pack in all their own con plans even have time for me?
I don't know what I'd get out of the con itself. I'm not a gamer anymore. I certainly don't watch gaming streams. At all. I'd just be going for the music crowd. Who don't exactly get a lot of space and time at the con.
And then there's the hypersensitivity issue. All my nerves are hypersensitive. Which means bright lights, loud noises, high pitched noises, high bass/subwoofers, certain scents, and a myriad other things are all actively painful. And it's easy to become overwhelmed by too many voices speaking at once. At home, I have volume control and the ability to instantly get away if I need. And scents? Alcohol, tobacco, and perfume are high on the list. Even a trace of anything like that can feel like a spike up the nose. An open glass of wine at the far end of the table is enough. You can put on a dab of perfume in the morning, shower in the afternoon, walk across the room in the evening, and it'll still be painful to cross your footsteps several minutes later. (I'm not kidding. This has happened.)
I'm also not sure what this year is going to bring. I'll be moving out on my own for the first time within the next couple of months, and with chronic health issues, it's hard to say how that will go or what I'll be doing.
Oh, and it won't likely be cheap. I refuse to use Uber or AirBNB, for a variety of reasons.
Also, there's another (much smaller and cozier) convention that month that I might want to attend out on the west coast. And an as yet unscheduled event I'll need to attend in LA. Oh, and my mother's birthday is that month, too.
But this is a rare chance to meet people I care about. That's often worth it. If they have time for me, anyway. And I'm not struggling to breathe. And I'm awake enough to do things like sit up and speak out loud. Writing it all out, it seems crazy to even consider it. But it's still tempting. I could do it. But it would cost a lot, and I don't have a handle on what I'd get out of it. Could be awesome. Could be me just sitting in a corner with nothing to do, trying to shut out the pain. Could be anything in between.
I'm not sure what to do. (Did I mention my executive function is impaired, making it really hard to take in multiple factors in order to make a clear decision.) Any thoughts? You can comment here even if you don't have an account. (Though please let me know who's writing.) Or you can ping or message me on Discord or Twitch.
On the one hand, it's a great opportunity to meet some people who have become very special to me. And to hear them play live. It would mean a lot.
On the other hand, there are a lot of questions and drawbacks.
First off, health. (See the last couple of entries if you're not familiar.) Going to ECCC took a lot out of me. I was a flat out wreck for a week and a half when I got back.
Also, I don't stream. And I tend to lurk a lot in chat. And I've been missing a lot of streams lately. So I'm not sure how much a part of the community I really am at this point, let alone what I might be six months from now. Would I be going just to end up lurking off to the side? Would I be invited to the parties and sessions outside of the con? Would I be intruding? Would people busy trying to pack in all their own con plans even have time for me?
I don't know what I'd get out of the con itself. I'm not a gamer anymore. I certainly don't watch gaming streams. At all. I'd just be going for the music crowd. Who don't exactly get a lot of space and time at the con.
And then there's the hypersensitivity issue. All my nerves are hypersensitive. Which means bright lights, loud noises, high pitched noises, high bass/subwoofers, certain scents, and a myriad other things are all actively painful. And it's easy to become overwhelmed by too many voices speaking at once. At home, I have volume control and the ability to instantly get away if I need. And scents? Alcohol, tobacco, and perfume are high on the list. Even a trace of anything like that can feel like a spike up the nose. An open glass of wine at the far end of the table is enough. You can put on a dab of perfume in the morning, shower in the afternoon, walk across the room in the evening, and it'll still be painful to cross your footsteps several minutes later. (I'm not kidding. This has happened.)
I'm also not sure what this year is going to bring. I'll be moving out on my own for the first time within the next couple of months, and with chronic health issues, it's hard to say how that will go or what I'll be doing.
Oh, and it won't likely be cheap. I refuse to use Uber or AirBNB, for a variety of reasons.
Also, there's another (much smaller and cozier) convention that month that I might want to attend out on the west coast. And an as yet unscheduled event I'll need to attend in LA. Oh, and my mother's birthday is that month, too.
But this is a rare chance to meet people I care about. That's often worth it. If they have time for me, anyway. And I'm not struggling to breathe. And I'm awake enough to do things like sit up and speak out loud. Writing it all out, it seems crazy to even consider it. But it's still tempting. I could do it. But it would cost a lot, and I don't have a handle on what I'd get out of it. Could be awesome. Could be me just sitting in a corner with nothing to do, trying to shut out the pain. Could be anything in between.
I'm not sure what to do. (Did I mention my executive function is impaired, making it really hard to take in multiple factors in order to make a clear decision.) Any thoughts? You can comment here even if you don't have an account. (Though please let me know who's writing.) Or you can ping or message me on Discord or Twitch.
From:
no subject
I relate to this comment SO, SO HARD.
I have found something which helps some - not 100% - let me know if you're interested in hearing about it, I don't wanna be all unsolicited-advicey at you. ^_^
From:
no subject
Sure. I'm curious. Thanks for asking.
From:
no subject
Comes in a range of funky/fashionable patterns, but mine is the basic black.
https://www.vogmask.com/products/black-n99c2v-organic
and here are all the funky patterns
https://www.vogmask.com/collections/all
Website says
"Allergies:
Pollen particles entering the respiratory system often measure from 3 microns to 100 microns. We are currently experiencing an increase in sensitivity to allergens. Wearing Vogmask is a non invasive way to protect your lungs from inhalation of allergens when pollen count is high and in environments of triggering particles and odors.
Air pollution:
Vogmask is widely used in urban environments due to the high levels of air pollution. Particulate matter (PM) is classified based on the size of particle diameter.
Inhalable-Particles of 100 microns diameter or less.
Thoracic-Particles of 10 microns diameter and less that will reach the lungs. Referred to as PM10.
Respirable-Particles that will penetrate into the gas exchange region of the lungs. Particle sizes of 2.5 micron are referred to as PM2.5 and considered hazardous.
Vogmask protects from inhaled particles as small as 0.3 microns."
From:
no subject
I've got something like that for my pollen allergies. Never thought of using it for perfume. So I can walk around with dark sunglasses, 30db ear protection, and a face mask, and look completely senseless! grin