I Need Help

[hatman]

Please brainstorm with me.

What's been going on:

Here's the story so far. It's a few pages long, which I realize is considered a wall of text when you're reading on a screen. (In any other context that would be fairly short. Weird how our perceptions work.) Skim it or whatever you need. But context matters. If you're going to help, you should know where I'm coming from, what I've been through, what I've tried, etc.

The short version is that I've got chronic illness, I'm over the hill, and I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do with myself to make a meaningful life.

The following lists will probably be updated as more things come to mind, but here's the overview:

What I'm trying to do:

• Find a way to be productive.
  
• Find a way to make a positive difference in the world. Better, happier, fairer.
  
• See if I can start a business that can at least help support me so I'm not reliant on my family's generosity for the rest of my life.

What I've Got Going For Me:

• I can listen to people, sympathize with them, and try to be supportive. I have patience and a willingness to try to see different points of view.
  
• I have enough money available to maybe start a small business.
  
• I can often write clearly to express ideas even when I'm too exhausted to think.
  
• I've got an above average knowledge and comprehension of science, politics, and various random subjects. I've got a pretty good memory for concepts I've learned, and I can usually explain them in ways that make sense to people.
  
• I've got a loving family and good friends who try their best to be understanding and supportive.
  
• My immune system kicks butt, and not just my own.
  
• I can sew stuffed animals and pillows. (Though I spend more on materials than I could possibly sell them for.)
  
• Puns just come naturally to me. My brain likes to make odd connections between random things.
  
• I don't have a wheelbarrow here, but I could probably get one. It's worth listing among our assets. (I do not, however, have a flammable cloak.)
  

My Limitations:

• I'm physically exhausted. Getting less than 9 hours of sleep in a night can mess me up for days. It's not uncommon for me to be so weary I can't sit up, can hardly draw breath, am really woozy, etc. On a good day, I can walk a mile or so. But I'll pay for it the next day. On a bad day, I can spend the entire day crashed on the couch, barely functional. I cannot, in general, predict when I'll have good or bad days. A string of bad days can last for months or longer.
  
• Attempting to exert myself, mentally or physically, exhausts me frighteningly fast. That can include keeping up with realtime conversations, particularly via audio instead of text.
  
• My nerves are hypersensitive. I'm constantly in pain. Bright lights, loud noises, high pitched noises, physical contact, etc. etc. are painful. More some days than others. But a friendly slap on the back can ache for several minutes. On rough days, I'm sensitive enough that people making small sounds halfway across the house, though a closed door, while I'm wearing high-end noise dampening ear protectors designed for the gun range, can still be overwhelming.
  
• I've got a non-24 "free running" sleep schedule, meaning that I'm awake different hours from week to week. I generally average a 25 hour day, but it can be hard to predict more than a couple of weeks in advance (at best) what hours I'll be awake. Makes regular commitments very difficult.
  
• Due to the exhaustion, it can be hard to focus mentally, and I can't maintain focus for long.
  
• I'm somewhat dyslexic. (It runs in the family, but I can never remember on which side...) Possibly related is a difficulty translating information from one form to another. It makes coding and diagrams very difficult.
  
• I've also got various other autoimmune disorders. Diabetes, hypothyroidism, alopecia totalis (i.e. no hair, including eyebrows and eyelashes).

What I'm Looking For:

• Practical advice for what I can do.
  
• Brainstorming for what kind of business I can start that would employ others in a way that makes a positive impact on the world and generates income for me.

What I'm Not Looking For:

• "Buck up. Others have it worse." Irrelevant. Yes, you can always find someone who has it worse than you. That doesn't mean that your own struggles aren't real. I'm dealing with my life. My limits. My needs. I'm dealing mentally as best I can. But I need actual practical solutions. Being told to just cheer up and/or get over it is unhelpful.
  
• "Have you tried this cure/treatment?" I've been at this for decades. I've worked with more doctors than I can count. We've done research. I've tried medications and treatment regimens. I've explored some "alternative" treatments. I know how to meditate. I'm doing the best I can for myself. Medical marijuana isn't for me and it's not a magical cure-all. If you've got some suggestion that's got actual clinical evidence, I'll consider it. But odds are I've already tried it or been advised by a medical professional that it doesn't apply to my individual case.
  
• "Seek professional help." I've tried. Psychiatrists, psychologists, antidepressants, a hypnotherapist. It hasn't been helpful. And it's not what I'm looking for now. I need to address the root issue.
  
• Unhelpful or negative comments. I'll ignore them. Spam and trolling will be deleted.

Anyone can comment. I'll respond as I can, if I have something to say. You do not have to have an account or log in to comment, but if you comment anonymously I would appreciate it if you would tell me who you are. If you're not comfortable doing that, I understand.

You can also sign in using OpenID. You should be able to use your WordPress, Blogspot, AOL, Yahoo, LiveJournal, or other participating account to sign in here. You just need your provider's OpenID URL and to be logged in at that provider. For more information, you can try OpenID Explained or the Wikipedia article. (Yeah, I know. You probably haven't used any of those services in years. But the option is there if you want.)

Alternatively, you can message me on Discord (WearsHats) or Twitter (@hataroni) or email me (hatman at dreamwidth dot org). I'd prefer to keep everything here in one place, especially since it allows people to review what others have said and bounce ideas around. But if public comments don't work for you, I'll take them where I can.

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Comments

[hatman]

Thanks for reading and helping! And it's fine if people are thinking of their own things. I'm out of ideas, and anything can be a start. I could definitely do with a new perspective. But I'm not sure I follow what you have in mind here.

[(Anonymous)]

:) OK, sorry, I was miss-treading the line between vague and prescriptive. :)

I think this is your key bit here: "Find a way to make a positive difference in the world. Better, happier, fairer."

What do you mean by that? Do you want to make the WHOLE world better? In which case perhaps you could focus on personal activities you can do to promote a charity of your choice.

Or do you want to start a 'movement', in which case see if you can get some like-minded people on board, and enable them to make most difference at least cost, by project managing and leading that movement.

Or do you want to make a local situation better e.g. campaign for better accessibility in town-x.

Or... yes. What do you want to make Better, happier, fairer? :)

[hatman]

Anything I reasonably can. I don't know.

The restaurant was my best idea. Employ people who need a fair chance and can't get one. Create a friendly and supportive working environment with the flexibility they need. While paying a living wage. And make an atmosphere where everyone can relax and be comfortable and destress. While I'm at it, make a profit so I don't have to live off my family's generosity. And prove that it's a profitable model so others can follow suit.

Except things went poorly. For a host of reasons. The idea was solid, but too many different things went wrong in the execution. Including my health taking a severe downturn so that I couldn't really be involved.

I don't know. I need to get back to sleep. Been trying for hours.

I don't want to say no. Any progress is good. Any way to do good is important. I'm trying not to focus on how much I can't do. But it's hard to see how I could take any kind of leadership/organizational role given my limits.

[(Anonymous)]

You know yourself and abilities WAY better than I do. :)

OK but what about some small-ish scale 'angel investor'? For a category of your choice? :)

[cesy]

This could work, yes.

[hatman]

Possible. I'm not sure how to go about that.

[(Anonymous)]

Well when people talk proper angel investing it's all stocks and shares and silicon valley etc, but I think the general idea is scale-able.

So, I don't know: If you go with multiple small amounts then your own time deciding who to help will increase, so you probably don't want to deal in too-large amounts because the risk of the cash going poof will be high.
But $50 could buy someone a metaphorical fishing rod. Or, say, $500 could help someone buy ingredients, baking stuff and fancy packaging so they can start their international fudge delivery service. OR say, go up a notch and help someone revamp their cafe to include disabled access and a gamer's corner for local table toppers. And in return you could get some % of the resulting fish, or fudge, but hopefully hard cash profits ever after, without having to be directly involved in any day-to-day running of anything.

You will want a handy accountant and possibly a solicitor if you're dealing in amounts you'd really rather not say goodbye to forever, of course, and that cost would have to itself be accounted for. :)

(general disclaimer of knowing nothing applies.)

[(Anonymous)]

didn't proof read that sorry.
"BUT you probably don't want to deal in too-large amounts "

[(Anonymous)]

um. I'm talking about Patreon, aren't I...

[hatman]

But how do I find and vet people?

Actually, what you're describing sounds more like Kiva. I've used them to make dozens of microloans. Except, while the institutions making the microloans charge exorbitant interest (to offset the high number of defaults), Kiva doesn't give us interest. You give $25 to help crowdfund, and if all goes well you get $25 back.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes does sound similar. :)

Any maybe that's ok? But it's not sustainable from your end without some more return, is it. :(

Needs more thinking. :)

[hatman]

Right. Needs return. And needs a lot of effort to reach out and find people and vet their projects.

But the microloan field offices exist. And they do make money. I think.

Needs more thought.

[(Anonymous)]

You could consider using some of the money on a platform like Prosper.com, which is basically crowdsourced personal loans—the loan amounts are in the expected couple grand range, but individual investors only have to contribute a minimum of $25.00 at a time. And there are returns equal to the interest rate the borrower qualifies for (Prosper takes a token amount as the platform). It is decidedly more along the lines of traditional investment as far as building a portfolio with a calculated amount of financial risk, so it'd be easy to view it as a contribution to a 401k or IRA, but on the other hand the people requesting the loans ARE real people, with a need for the money. You see the reason why they're borrowing at the start, whether it's for a large purchase, medical, debt consolidation, etc. The money invested is going to help individuals, not a faceless business, if that puts it in a more pleasant light. It's also pretty hands off and can be automated, so your limited schedule isn't an impact.

(If you're curious, I personally loan on Prosper as one of the ways I invest my savings, but that is the extent of my affiliation, and there are other services like it: Lending Club, SoFi, Funding Circle, Upstart, just look up P2P Lenders and see if any of the big'uns feels like a good fit for you maybe.)