(no subject)

[hatman]

You may (or may not) have noticed that I haven't posted in a while.

In part, it's because I haven't had much to say. Life, such as it is, proceeds apace (or at a virtual standstill). Nothing exciting or new to report, and while I have thoughts about it all, none of them are really new.

In part, it's because I was biting back what I did have to say. Philosophical and moral arguments on a fair number of points. But that's a fragment of my old self talking. On reflection, it was clear to me that nothing good would come of it. Arguments of that nature rarely end up with either side being convinced to step away from their respective initial stances, and that's especially true when the people you're trying to convince are, when it comes to the subject at hand, moral absolutists.

Once, I'd have done it anyway. To have my say, to speak my piece, to throw my hat in the ring, to stand up for what I believe. And, really, for the joy of intellectual sparring and fencing. The challenge, the chance to explore and refine my beliefs, the chance to, maybe, against the odds, spread them, even just a little.

I find, though, that now, rather than anticipating the thrill of the fight, I don't have the patience for it. Not for arguing with the people with whom I respectfully disagree, let alone the shreks.<sup>*

*</sup>That's a term I just coined. It describes those who are, by alignment, (ostensibly, more or less) Good, but are, nevertheless, by nature, if not precisely trolls, then not so far from it, either.

So I decided that, all things considered, it was best just to leave well enough alone. I wasn't going to get anywhere good, and I was almost certain to wind up feeling angry and beleaguered. It would negatively impact the budding relationships I had, pushing us further apart on both sides.

All of which was quite sensible and rational, but the old fragment that wanted to argue chaffed at being suppressed. These are my views. This is my space. My journal. And I have to hold back? Here, of all places? (Where the opposing side, being in the majority, can and do express their views?) Some resentment brewed, and that was enough to taint my feelings towards a playground where my explorations had already been stalled... by the same argument.

Funny thing in all this is that it's a difference of degree rather than kind. At least, for the most part. In some sense, though, it's a question of absolutism vs. relativism. (Though even my dedication to relativism is kept in moderation.)

None of which is to cast blame on anyone (except maybe the shreks). It's just my own personal feelings. Explaining that internal dialogue, and why it's kept me away.

Anyway...

The other part of what's kept me from writing is - and this will be shocking, I'm sure - fatigue. I spent the last couple of weeks pushing my schedule around faster than usual so that I could be awake during the daytime for next week. (And, somehow, hopefully the three weeks after that. Not sure how I'll maintain that, but I'll do what I can.)

Because...

I'm leaving tomorrow to drive to California.

An old friend called up a few weeks ago to say that he has to drive a moving van to Berkley. He wanted some company for the trip. We talked it out over a series of phone calls, and I agreed. Unfortunately, we have to make the drive in 6 days (500 miles/day), so there won't be time to see the people or places along the way.

But... I then have a few days free, and a one-way ticket home from California isn't cheap. (And, for some stupid reason, they won't let me use frequent flier miles for a one-way ticket. And I don't feel like wasting the miles for a return leg that I'm not going to use.)

So... I'm going to double back. Take a day to rest (and maybe have lunch or something with some family friends who live right there), but then get out of California quickly, in memory of my old vow never to set foot there again. Day of driving. Day to tour around with a friend in Oregon. Day of driving. Day to poke around Idaho and then see my old college roommate (who now lives in Idaho with his family, though I haven't seen him since the wedding). Short drive to Yellowstone. Day or so to see what I can there. And then...

I'm not sure. Was going to try for Mt. Rushmore. But that would leave me in South Dakota, which is very firmly flyover territory. Turns out it's hard to get a good flight from flyover territory. Flights from Rapid City, SD aren't cheap, and they leave at 6am or 10pm. The very little in between is ridiculously expensive. And I'd have to change planes two or three times.

And I'd be flying home just about the same time that the rest of the family will start the drive up to Massachusetts for the annual family vacation there. I figure I'll have my suitcases already packed for the trip west and a day traveling is a day traveling, so I might as well fly there. But that's one more connection to a small (though reasonably busy) airport.

So I'm considering trying to fly out of Denver (one less connection, anyway) or Salt Lake City or something. Or maybe fly halfway, take an overnight, and finish the trip the next day. (Which might, ironically enough, mean staying over in New Jersey.) Gonna go take another look at the map when I'm finished posting this.

It'll be fun. It'll be exciting. It'll be tiring. It'll be something of an expense. And I'm sorry for all the people and places I won't be able to see. But I'm looking forward to it. And I'm sure I'll take plenty of pictures. I won't be online much, but maybe I'll have more to say in the time that I am. We'll see.

But that's my update for now. Where I've been and where I will be.

Back home in September, with some decisions to make, perhaps some new projects, and a giant looming question mark of a future. But never mind that. I should get packing. And planning. Oh, and a gallon of distilled water which I forgot to buy yesterday.

See ya.

Comments

[erinptah]

Your philosophical musings are astonishingly vague, but...

If you want to create a space where nobody is allowed to disagree with you, you can do that. Make posts with the disclaimer "If you don't agree with me, please don't say so." Or just delete any comments you don't like.

But that would be repression. Whereas, on the other hand, nobody has deleted your words, or told you not to say things. All anyone has done is, as you put it, "express their [opposing] views."

You talk about the situation as if there are only two options - either you can convince everyone to agree with your posts, or you can't make the posts at all. That's a pretty absolutist view of things.

There's a truism which I think everyone on the Internet would do well to remember: You don't have to react to everything. If someone leaves a dissenting comment, you are not required to keep talking until somebody's opinion changes. You're allowed to leave the comment undeleted, unchallenged, and unanswered, and take your emotional energy elsewhere.

Like, say, on this road trip. Which sounds like an adventure, and I hope you have fun with it.

[hatman]

And there's another reason for me not to post these thoughts. The way people persist in responding to things I have in no way said. Nowhere did I say that I wanted to create a space where people weren't allowed to disagree with me. Nowhere did I say that I wanted to repress the views of others. Nowhere did I say I wanted to delete the comments of others. Nowhere did I say that I needed to convince everyone.

What I said is that part of me strongly disagrees with you and others on some important points, but that the rest of me doesn't, for various reasons, want to have the argument. It's an internal conflict which leads to discomfort.

I say I don't want to argue the matter because, in part, it would hurt budding friendships. You take that as yet another opportunity to lecture me and talk down to me while once again completely misunderstanding my point, which I've made as clear as I know how to do. Thus proving my point - this kind of argument is bad for friendships. And tiresome.

And there goes an attempt to remain, if not positive, at least neutral.

[erinptah]

Well, now I'm just confused.

If you don't mind other people disagreeing with you, then what is it that's making you feel "suppressed"?

[hatman]

... You know, I've just spent the better part of an hour that I probably don't have going through and spelling it out as best I can.

But, as I approached the end... No, scrap that, too.

I have said twice now that, upon consideration, it's best not to get into these discussions because it just leads to further negativity.

Furthermore, we have a very poor record when it comes to communications. In fact, I can't think of a single time when what you've said in response to something I've written has been more than tangentially related to what I actually said (often in what seemed to me to be clear, straightforward, plain English).

Communication is a two-way street. I have to say something, it has to get transmitted to you, and you have to understand it. I don't know where the breakdown is. The fact that it's not just you I have this problem with would seem to indicate that at least part of the problem lies with me.

(Or maybe it's a larger issue of compatibility and perspective and venn diagrams and stuff. We each speak our own languages, really. I've seen that with my parents. I understand both their languages, if not fluently, then pretty well. They no longer understand each other's. Maybe some of us just aren't in a position to understand certain languages. Or something.)

Beyond that... I've got arrangements to make and stuff to pack and all that.

So... I'm sorry, but I'm going to go now.

[adalger]

What this sounds like to me, is that "agree to disagree" is a foreign and difficult concept you're trying to learn. I can sympathize, because it took me years; I was lucky enough to have someone start trying to get it into my head while I was still young, but it's a constant stumbling block still unless I keep a close eye on it. Also, there are a lot of subjects I feel too strongly about to let other people believe they're right when they're obviously wrong ... and yes, it costs me some opportunities for friendship too.

In a nutshell, I think I understand, and want to say you're not alone.

[hatman]

Yeah. I can agree to disagree on some things, but it's harder on others. And there are other factors. It's easier to do when you're disagreeing with one person, or when some of the people agree with you. But when you're in a place when not only is it a sensitive issue but just about everyone disagrees with you (even if people in other places agree)... it's harder to put it aside. Harder, too, when it keeps coming up.

I was happy to live with my Mormon roommate. Even planning to go out of my way to visit him. And we had some interesting discussions about religion and such.

I'd feel a lot different about it, though, if the whole dorm had been Mormons and they all talked about the rules and philosophies of their religion and kept saying that anyone who disagreed was a sinner...

(Not that that's exactly analogous, mind you. Just making the point.)

Anyway... yeah.

Thanks for understanding.

[zarhooie]

Western SD is really pretty, and the drive is *gorgeous*, though a bit flat.

Flights out of Omaha, NE are really cheap though. You should look into them.

[hatman]

I've got a flight now out of Denver. I had a nice one out of Rapid City, but it was more expensive than the Denver one. And then it turned out to be an extra few hundred dollars to bring the car back to Rapid City than to Denver. So I got a flight out of Denver.

And then called the guy I'll be driving with, only to find out that packing is going even more slowly than anticipated, and that we may have to leave a day late. Which throws off all my other calculations. I should have thought of that possibility, but he was so firm about needing to be there promptly for when the others flew in, needing their stuff...

Ah well. I'll figure it out.

But yeah... should be a beautiful drive. Mountains and falls and national parks and open space and... yeah. Looking forward to that. :)

[nicki]

The drive from the Mt. Rushmore area to Denver doesn't take long and DIA isn't a big trek into and through the city and generally you can get decent flights out. It would take longer to get back to Salt-lake, but the flight choices from there are good too. Mt. Rushmore to Omaha is probably another 7/8 hr drive and it is IMO deadly boring after about the first hour of flatness. The Omaha airport is nice, but it is almost impossible to get a direct flight out of there to anywhere other than Chicago, St. Louis, Denver, Salt lake, or Minneapolis.

Also, if you have a little bit of extra time on the drive out, I70 (Denver to Salt-lake) is way prettier than I80 (North-Platte to Salt Lake) and there aren't any long hall trucks.

(you can always post with the comments off if you just want to say your piece *says girl who spent the last 3 days burning a bridge*)

[hatman]

Well, departure was delayed a day, so I'm not sure that we'll have much in the way of extra time on the way out, but thanks for the tip. I'll keep it in mind. See how things go.

Flight (out of Denver) is arranged. Except that I did so before checking in with the guy doing the packing (to learn that things have been delayed a day). But it'll work out somehow. I may just have to spend less time sightseeing.

As for posting my thoughts with comments disabled... The idea had occurred, but it wouldn't feel right, for a number of reasons. Something like this, I think you have to either take part in the discussion (and thus allow rebuttal) or not.

[rainbow]

Where all are you going through Oregon? Ashland's Lithia Park is (or used to be) a pleasant place to relax under the trees by the creek. But do not (DO NOT) try the water from the Lithia fountains unless you have a strong stomach. Lithium is not a pleasant flavour.

Eugene is very nice in places, and if you're here on a Saturday the Saturday market is very fun.

The Lorane valley is filled with wineries, if that's your thing.

I know there's lots more, but I'm mostly housebound, so I don't know mucha bout further north (ie Portland and environs).

I hope your trip is wonderful and fun!

[hatman]

Plan for Oregon is to meet a friend in Portland. She's got some ideas about where to go in and around the city. But it's a full day's drive from San Fran to Portland, so I'm not sure how much time I'll have to stop off along the way. The route does take me right by Eugene, though.

So... I might be there on a weekend, and it could potentially be a good place to stop for a dinner break, or maybe even an overnight stop depending on how the drive goes.

[rainbow]

Yes, it's a looong drive.

I'm trying to remember the places we stopped when we came up here for vacations when I was small, but it's hard to remember.

You'll pass Lake Shasta, and there are a couple nice places to rest there. It's about 3-4 hours north of the city, I think.

Ashland's about 350 miles from SF, and right on the highway, about 10 miles into Oregon, then Eugene is another 180 miles or so north, and Portland about 115 miles north of that.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

I missed you leaving! But I'm hoping you'll have a great time :)

Hugs and take care ♥ ♥

[beansideirae.livejournal.com]

i guess you've already left. i just wanted to drop thro and say hi, i miss talking to you and hope you're doing well. i dont have time to scan back farther at the moment, if i get a chance i will. enjoy your trip! sounds awesome, i've always wanted to do something like that. i hope it doesnt fatigue you too much. be safe and well.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

Good to hear from you. Miss talking to you, too. But I'm back home now and I am actually using Trillian again, so hopefully it won't be too long before we bump into each other.

Trip logs are now posted, if you're interested.

Hope you're doing well. Sorry I've missed out on so much.