The takeaway from SOPA and the NDAA: Congress threatens us with indefinite detention without trial? We'll grumble about it. Congress threatens to screw with our Internet? WE WILL SHUT THINGS DOWN.

About 20 years ago, when I first arrived on the 'net (back in the dark ages of dial-up BBS) I created a superhero named HatMan. He was the alter ego of my usual chatroom nickname of MadHatter. (I was cheerfully insane and, due to sensitivity about going prematurely bald, always wore a hat in public.) HatMan would take over during conversational lulls, have an amusing adventure, get people talking again, and then disappear, job well done. His purpose, his power is to amuse.

I abandoned MadHatter over the years because, for some reason, everyone else who used the name turned out to be a complete jerk and I was rather tired of getting confused with them.

HatMan's logo (and his signature hat) is a colorful beanie copter. The original was given to me by my sisters (and went with me to college, as a memento of them and as an object to amuse).

As time went on, I found that I needed an icon for HatMan, who had become my identity on the internet. I don't draw very well. I knew in part he was a parody of Batman, but I also knew that he was young and cheerful. So I took a picture of Robin drawn by a professional (specifically, Tim Drake from the final splash page of Batman: Prodigal) and, using MS Paint, drew the hat on him. It's been my icon all over the net since. But I felt guilty for using stolen art.

Finally, I commissioned Brad Guigar, a webcomic artist whose work I greatly enjoy and admire, to draw a picture of HatMan with his Sombrerromobile. Something I could enjoy on its own, but from which I could crop a new icon. It took a while for him to finish it, and a little while for me to adjust to some things that looked different in his version than they had in my head, but I'm very pleased with it.

I've got a new icon now. I'll be slowly updating it across the various services I use.

If you're interested, you can see a reasonably sized version of the commissioned art.

A while back, I posted my thoughts about political ads on TV, specifically that we would be better off as a country if we didn't have them.

Recently, the White House launched a new tool called We The People. Any citizen (or at least anyone willing to provide a name, email address, and zip code) can register and create and sign petitions. If a petition gets 150 signatures, it becomes visible on the site (before that, it's available by direct link only). If it gets at least 5000 signatures, it will be officially reviewed and considered by the White House staff. If it doesn't hit that target within a month, it gets closed.

It's a good way to get people engaged, and for the White House to get feedback and ideas.

I think you can see where this is going. I created a petition to ban political ads on TV. Doing so would take a lot of the money back out of politics, would get a lot of divisive misinformation off our airwaves, and would help level the playing field which currently gives a huge megaphone to corporations and special interests. It would make speech more free, not less.

Please consider it. If you like it, sign it and pass the word.

(I'm cross-posting here because, all else aside, I think - hope, anyway - that this is worth spreading to a wider audience.)

This is Park Place, Manhattan:^*


(Larger version here.)

^*Not to be confused with Park Place on your Monopoly board, which, like all Monopoly squares, is named after a street in Atlantic City.

It's a quiet little out-of-the-way side street, or as much of one as you'll find on the crowded island of Manhattan. It's well away from the hustle and bustle of midtown, south even of (formerly artsy, now more touristy) areas like the Village. A short walk will take you to City Hall or Tribecca. Wall Street and Battery Park are also within reasonable walking distance.

But this is Manhattan, where everything is so densely packed that even a short walk will take you to an entirely different neighborhood, sometimes what seems like a whole other world. Witness Morningside Heights, for example, where high-end apartment buildings intermingle with student housing for Colombia University. Literally around the corner is an endless row of busy shops and restaurants on Broadway... and it's all just a few blocks away from Harlem. A few blocks in another direction, you'll find the top of Central Park. In Manhattan, short distances can make a huge difference.

As you can see, though, this particular block of Park Place is even quieter than most. In a very rare move by the NYPD, it's been blocked off to vehicular traffic. There's a police car with two officers stationed in the middle of the block. Further, signs have been posted warning of security cameras, and, indeed, there's at least one clearly visible.



And yet, on the left side of the first picture, on the very edge, you can see the fender of a cart looking to sell food and drink to passers-by on the sidewalk. Indeed, towards the middle of the block, there's a small crowd. Some are tourists, but the heart of this particular cluster of people is a class. A teacher is talking, in calm, reasonable, and well-informed terms about the building across the street while the students around him take notes.

It all looks just a little different than Google's Street View of the same place.

What's the fuss about? This building:


(Click for larger image.)

51 Park Place. It's a run-down old building, next door to an AT&T store. For the last couple of years, a corner of the drab interior has been used as a prayer room. There's a five-minute video here. Early this year, plans were announced to remake the building, modernizing and expanding it into a community center, open to the public. In addition to the prayer room, there would be many other facilities, including a pool, basketball court, cooking school, and 9/11 memorial. It would be known as Park 51. At the head of the project is a religious leader who has spent much of his time not just denouncing terrorism and extremism, but actively working to promote peaceful relations, particularly between Muslims and Jews.

Fundraising for the project has not yet begun. It's a daunting task, considering the costs of completely remaking the building. But the money will be raised locally, and funding sources will be publicly disclosed.

So why all the fuss? Well, there wasn't one for well over a year since the prayer room opened. There wasn't one for well over half a year since the project was announced. And then election season came around. Primaries for the 2010 congressional races. Suddenly, fearmongering started. Which led to shouting and threats and protests. And things like this, left on the block, pointing at the building:


(Click for larger image or you can go here for the original. Snagged it for my own stream since I had trouble loading the original. Don't want it to go away.)

You see, the prayer room is used by Muslims. And Park Place also happens to be within walking distance of Ground Zero. Never mind that these Muslims are American citizens. Never mind that the congregation is there for peaceful purposes. Never mind that Muslim Americans were among the dead of 9/11 - both as people who worked in the Twin Towers and as rescue workers who died in the line of duty, doing their best to save lives.

This is the "Ground Zero Mosque." This run-down building on quiet side-street. Not in view of Ground Zero. In practically a whole other neighborhood, despite the physical proximity.

I listened to the teacher as he explained, in the steady voice of a lecturer, about the building and the protests and the fundraising. Watched as the students nodded and looked and took notes. Saw people of all types walk by in ones and twos and threes, saw them take pictures, look around. Half a block away, a steady trickle of weekday morning traffice went by up Church Street and down the last couple blocks of Broadway. It was all so quiet.

I went up to one of the officers in front of the building and asked if I was allowed inside. She told me visitors were normally allowed, but that there was construction going on that day. No one had even come to pray. I was welcome, however, to walk past the barricade and try the front door. So I did. It was open. Inside, a blue tarp hung from the ceiling, making a rough curtain. I could hear a few people at work, but it didn't seem too busy. In fact, it was quiet enough that my tentative footsteps could be heard.

The curtain parted. I got a glimpse of bare walls. A few wires ran across the ceiling. A man walked out. 20-something, brown skin, dark hair. His clothing was casual, and he had a pair of iPod earbuds in place. He would not have stood out at all on any college campus within 500 miles or more. He politely explained that the place was closed for construction, but that visitors would be welcome after 1pm the next day. After a brief exchange, I let him get back to work. Outside, I gave the officer an update so that she'd know in case anyone else asked.

Hopefully, I'll find a time to come back when it's more convenient for them. To some degree, I was hoping for a look around. But that wasn't the main purpose of my visit. What I really wanted was to meet the people. To drop by and offer some support and respect. To offer a friendly voice to help break up the stream of bigotry and hatred directed their way. And maybe, from there, to open a conversation - American to American, Jew to Muslim, human to human.

Another time, perhaps. It's not often that I have free time in the city during daylight hours. But I'll try. Meanwhile, I can share my perspective with you, across the country and the globe, and hope that it will do some good.

I'd have tweeted this, but I don't think the person I know who'd be most interested in it is on Twitter. So here you go:

Basic cellular bio as a Flash game.

Meantime: Alaska was fun. Posted a few silly pics (and one video) to flickr.

Still coughing. This is unprecedented. Doc says it's not a sinus infection and there don't seem to be other symptoms. Allergy meds haven't done anything (and it was the same in Alaska as it was in NJ). I'm just coughing. Not badly, but I need cough drops every hour to hold it at bay. Doc gave me better cough suppressant, but that doesn't seem to be helping. I'm supposed to give it another day or so. Then I'll try a course of antibiotics. If that doesn't help, he also gave me a prescription for an inhaler. And said I should call him if it comes to that. We shall see.

Due to leave for Alaska first thing tomorrow morning. I'll be lucky to get half a night's sleep. If we go at all.

Trip might be good for me. And we'd be the only ones from our side of the family at the wedding.

Alaska's forecast is for rain, pretty much all week. Which, of course, means never-ending humidity.

Tonight I spiked a fever - low grade, but first I've had in five years, if not ten.

My skull is killing me. There are spikes stabbing into my eye sockets. Every time I cough, every pain receptor in my skull lights up. My chest is somewhat congested and definitely not happy. My stomach is queasy. I've got shooting pains in my hips. My knees are no better, and really not sure about supporting my weight. My big toes keep randomly flashing major pain signals, too, for no apparent reason. My shoulder's about to give out. I can hardly see straight.

A friend is in pain and there's nothing I can do to help. Someone else has gone off again advocating discrimination - though not under that name, of course. Hardly anyone will even bother returning my calls or emails.

Oh, and Twitter's API has been acting up all day.

I'm going to try to make it upstairs so I can start packing. Meant to do it earlier, but getting off the couch involved screaming pain in several places - as if there wasn't enough just lying down.

Sometimes, I wish I believed in God... just so I could have someone to yell at.

So much for taking a break from venting, huh?

Anger and pain. That's it. Just anger and pain.

I'm disappointed in myself.

I want to say I'm taking a break until I can find something more positive, but I'm not sure I should. Or can. It's not like I have much else. And I do still need the contact.

I don't know, but this isn't working.

But hey, I did unexpectedly stumble across an hour and a half (which was scheduled to be half an hour) of late-night New York roller derby. Never watched that before. Couldn't keep up with who was who in the pack, even with the announcers, but it's an interesting sport. And everyone in it has a punny stage name, right down to the EMTs, refs, and broadcast A/V guys. Oh, and for some reason, the girl in the logo reminds me of alligee.

This should probably be access-locked or cut or something, but right now I just don't seem to care.

I feel like there's nowhere I belong right now.

Not L&C. Great while it lasted, but I lost interest and the fandom changed. We grew in different directions.

Not fandom at large. I don't have it in me to create anymore, I don't seem to have any interest in fanworks, and I'm not equipped to deal with the unchecked wankery that pervades the open waters (as opposed to the magically sheltered harbor of L&C).

Not Dreamwidth. I tried, but I don't fit. I've made few friends, found little to drive me. My reading page, which used to force me to skip 20 or 40 every time I checked in, just to catch up, now flows at a trickle. I've dropped some subscriptions, some people have stopped posting altogether, and there are probably others who are just locking me out. And, of course, there are my views on activism. I'm too tired to fight that one out, and I don't think many of the people I'd be fighting with are interested in listening.

Which reminds me - I'm looking to step down from ownership of dwrocks. The comm just isn't going anywhere. It needs someone to promote it, to drive it. I'm not up to doing that. Too tired and too conflicted. Besides, I have a feeling it would do better if it weren't associated with me. There's a poll out asking people for reasons why Dreamwidth is awesome. That gets an OMG squee and a full paragraph/subsection of the weekly news post. But an entire comm dedicated to that idea, that's been around since before Open Beta launch, that was actively trying to organize fundraising for the one-year anniversary? The site owners have long since disassociated themselves from it. And I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with my controversial stance that racefail fails. Overzealous, counter-productive, short-sighted, somewhat hypocritical. Its members so used to being attacked and beaten down that their defenses... never mind. But I'd still like the comm to do better than it can under my ownership, so if someone's willing to step up, I'd appreciate it.

Not LJ. It's where many of my closest friends are, but many of them seem to have moved on to other things. My friends page is even slower than my DW reading page. Oh, and LJ management has become evil.

... And just as I was about to type "Not at home" Mom came in to have a discussion on more or less this very topic. I'm lucky to have such supportive (if not always understanding) parents. Wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far without them. But it's not enough anymore. I'm going stir crazy around here. When I have the energy to go stir crazy, anyway. Mom's trying to encourage me to find something - which obviously I need - but I don't know where to look and I'm tired and burnt out and each new dead end just smacks me in the face again. She's got ideas, and she believes in them, but from where I stand, every time I've tried one of her ideas, it's done more harm than good.

Not in the outside world. Like I said, I'm burnt out and out of ideas. I just don't see where I can go or what I can do. And I find that I have a lot of trouble dealing with realtime social interaction. Too slow, too awkward, too out of practice, too hurt and bitter, too short on patience, too irritable, too short on anything of interest to talk about.

The last decade has eroded me, bit by bit. I'm a hollowed-out husk of my former self. And my life is just as empty. Any moderate effort - mental or physical - wears me out so quickly that I just can't see how I can be of any use (especially given my constantly-changing sleep/wake schedule - and the total unpredictability of quality of sleep or day-to-day capabilities). How I can accomplish anything of substance. And it's getting worse.

And it doesn't help that I feel lost and hopeless and that I've hurt so much for so long that it's just become a constant ache in my soul.

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I need to try something, but I don't know what. I've been told to take small steps, which seems eminently reasonable. And yet even attempts at that have failed. And every new failure just makes it all hurt more, makes it all seem more hopeless, more futile.

And so I while away the time. Playing pointless games, watching TV, reading comics. Distracting myself from a life that's become too empty and painful and pointless to contemplate.

Where do I belong? Where do I fit in? What purpose is left for me? Where can I find friends? Interests? Something to do that has some meaning to it? Anything that's more than what I have but does not require of me more than I'm capable of giving?

This is amazing.

The oil spill has been going on for over two months. It'll be at least another month before they can stop it. It's an unthinkably huge environmental disaster. In part, that's because BP ordered shortcuts to be taken (less safety in exchange for faster and cheaper readiness). In part (the bit that everyone seems to have forgotten), it's that TransOcean and Haliburton accepted those orders. In part, it's a complete failure of the government to do its job in maintaining regulations and providing oversight. In part, it's just that no one knows how to handle a situation like this - oil gushing at this depth. Safety technologies have proven ineffective even when properly used. Cleanup and response technologies haven't developed in my lifetime, while drilling has become ever more ambitious.

In response to all this, the Obama administration ordered a six month moratorium on offshore drilling. The oil companies decided to fight that in court. Yesterday, a Louisiana judge handed down his ruling. It's available here in PDF format.

In it, he notes that according to the law, deep water drilling permits are to be given only subject to environmental safeguards, that the Secretary of the Interior has the power to temporarily suspend operations if there's a threat to life (including fish), property, mineral deposits, or the environment, and that such an order may only be overturned if the court determines that the order was given arbitrarily and capriciously. The administration pointed out, among other things, that we can't handle the disaster we've got now - there's no way we'd be able to cope if another well was to blow. The last section of the ruling (beginning halfway down page 21) is entitled "irreparable harm."

It all seems pretty clear, doesn't it?

The ruling?

The moratorium is arbitrary and capricious. And would cause irreparable harm... to the oil companies.

Some are pointing out that the judge in question owns stock in at least five of the companies involved. I'm personally not as concerned about that. That's five companies out of well over a hundred that he invests in, and he lists the minimum range for four of the five.

In any case, the Obama administration is appealing it. And hopefully reissuing the moratorium, this time with better documentation.

nicki wrote a post yesterday entitled On problematic writing. It's a good post and makes some important points. I recommend reading it. However, as I've said before and will no doubt say again, I believe it's important to consider all sides of an issue. Nicki's post presents one side - it's an address the author receiving criticism on matters of racial sensitivity. I'd like to present the other side - to those making the criticism.

( Here we go... )