(no subject)

[hatman]

You know, it's kind of interesting how different the comments (all from females) about the "beautiful card" are on DW-side vs LJ-side.

No idea what, if anything, I'll end up doing about it, but thanks to everyone who provided thoughts and perspective. :)

Comments

[erinptah]

Wow. That's a surprisingly sharp divide.

Me, I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't think I would personally get pinged by the creepiness factor -- but then, I have a pretty low radar for creepiness in general. (As in, will cheerfully say hello to people who greet me on the street, then later have a companion say "You know those folks were completely plastered, right?")

The biggest concern that strikes me is that you never know when the person you're approaching has a history of being stalked or harassed, which would make the attempt at joy-spreading backfire horribly. An offhand, specific, friendly compliment ("Hey, I really love your hairdo") is probably safer in this regard than a pre-typed card containing sweeping declarations of the person's virtues. Ditto for an anonymous pay-it-forward type of card (I always like finding things of that kind tucked in library books), which is much less likely to come across as you having a specific personal obsession with the recipient.

[hatman]

Yeah, one thing that's clear is that individual reactions will vary greatly, and there's no way to tell beforehand whether the recipient will feel a warm glow or an icky creepy feeling. Seems like the cards, as I'd kind of expected from the start, is a better idea in theory than practice.

But anon pay-it-forward could be cool. "Thanks for brightening my day. Pass this card along to the next person who makes you smile, if only for a moment." Or something like that. Hmm.

But this isn't the first time I've seen a sharp divide between my old friends on LJ and new people on DW. It's a different atmosphere.

[jassanja]

Sometimes I think some women take the whole gender thing way too serious, and need calm the fuck down

[erinptah]

I totally agree. And, for that matter, what's the deal with children? Why are they so reluctant to take candy from strangers? It's not like that ever goes badly.

In all seriousness - everything about "consumption by the male gaze" and "compensating for the power differential" and "nongendering this action" is, in this context, academic longhand for "Strange men have a history of being creepy to women. Please make an effort not to be a creep."