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(no subject)
Here's a random thing that sometimes mulls around in the back of my head...
Every now and again, when I'm out and about, I'll encounter a young woman who is beautiful in her own particular way. A quiet, somewhat subtle beauty. The kind that I think often goes unnoticed, or at least underappreciated. (It's a description which fits no few of my friends, as it happens.)
"You don't know you're beautiful," I find myself thinking, "or at least you don't carry yourself as if you do. Which is a little sad. But I look at you, and part of me can't help but smile. You've brightened my day, if only for a moment. That's a gift which perhaps deserves thanks. I wish I knew how to convey that."
Which is the problem. How do you say "Has anyone told you lately that you're beautiful?" without coming off as if you're hitting on her, or as a creep, or as if you're objectifying her? (The last of which is an issue, when you look at all this in a certain way. I'd like to think there's more to it than that, though, but it's hard to properly explain. It's about more than the shape of her face. It's about the sum total of the impression she gives, including the conscious and subconscious choices she's made in clothing, posture, expression, etc. A snapshot, but at least some quick sense of the person behind the facade.)
There's this niggling idea in the back of my head. I could make up a little card that says something like:
Just hand it over when I pay the girl at the counter, or leave it with the tip, or just quietly say "Here." And then walk away.
And then the voices in my head start arguing about whether that's romantic or stupid or nice or chauvinistic or sweet or creepy or whatever else.
Meantime, another voice pipes up that maybe, in smaller print, perhaps on the back of the card, there should be something else that says something like:
Which sets of an argument of "No, that ruins it. It should be anonymous. Otherwise you belie the part about not trying to get anything out of it" vs "You should give her a chance to respond, if she does have something to say. And hey, you might make a new friend."
Generally, I shut them all up, do nothing, and move on.
But I thought I'd float the idea, just to see what you make of it.
Every now and again, when I'm out and about, I'll encounter a young woman who is beautiful in her own particular way. A quiet, somewhat subtle beauty. The kind that I think often goes unnoticed, or at least underappreciated. (It's a description which fits no few of my friends, as it happens.)
"You don't know you're beautiful," I find myself thinking, "or at least you don't carry yourself as if you do. Which is a little sad. But I look at you, and part of me can't help but smile. You've brightened my day, if only for a moment. That's a gift which perhaps deserves thanks. I wish I knew how to convey that."
Which is the problem. How do you say "Has anyone told you lately that you're beautiful?" without coming off as if you're hitting on her, or as a creep, or as if you're objectifying her? (The last of which is an issue, when you look at all this in a certain way. I'd like to think there's more to it than that, though, but it's hard to properly explain. It's about more than the shape of her face. It's about the sum total of the impression she gives, including the conscious and subconscious choices she's made in clothing, posture, expression, etc. A snapshot, but at least some quick sense of the person behind the facade.)
There's this niggling idea in the back of my head. I could make up a little card that says something like:
I'm not looking to get anything out of this.
I'll probably never see you again.
I just wanted to say
Thank you for making my world
a little more
BEAUTIFUL.
Just hand it over when I pay the girl at the counter, or leave it with the tip, or just quietly say "Here." And then walk away.
And then the voices in my head start arguing about whether that's romantic or stupid or nice or chauvinistic or sweet or creepy or whatever else.
Meantime, another voice pipes up that maybe, in smaller print, perhaps on the back of the card, there should be something else that says something like:
If you want to say something back, even if it's "Please don't do that again," you can contact me at [spare email address].
Which sets of an argument of "No, that ruins it. It should be anonymous. Otherwise you belie the part about not trying to get anything out of it" vs "You should give her a chance to respond, if she does have something to say. And hey, you might make a new friend."
Generally, I shut them all up, do nothing, and move on.
But I thought I'd float the idea, just to see what you make of it.
no subject
1. Say: "Hey, I'm not trying to hit on you or anything, but I just had to tell you --" or the equivalent.
2. Compliment something specific about her outfit or hairstyle instead of just saying you think she's pretty or you like her smile. This a) tells her you're complimenting something she *chose*, and not just staring at her female body, and b) complimenting her specifically & not just random women. But keep it short & sweet; more than a sentence is too much.
3. Don't hang around once you've said it. If it's in a situation where you'll have to interact for awhile, say it as you or she leaves; if it's in passing in the street or a shop, move away afterward; if it's in a bus or waiting room or something, have a book or ipod to turn your attention to instead. If she wants to continue the conversation she will, but don't give the impression you expect her to or will react badly if she doesn't. (And just standing or sitting there next to her can give that impression. Even if you think you're a completely nonthreatening person.)
The card thing would come off as creepy to me no matter what it said, tbh, because it implies that you came prepared, which screws with the power balance even more than gender already does. Unless it's like
no subject
Trite is a problem. It's something I worry about enough as it is.
I just... believe in trying to increase the happiness in the world, trite as that may sound. And in giving thanks when others do that for me. But of course life and social interaction are more complicated than that.
But yeah, being told to look cheerful is a whole other matter. Not only is it not your responsibility, but faking a good mood isn't going to help. (And dishonesty in general isn't going to get us anywhere good.)
In any case... your icon looks pretty. ;)