I haven't written a weekly summary for myself. I was just too tired to do it on Wednesday, which says something in and of itself. I haven't been woozy since the end of Week 1, but I haven't been sleeping well since then, either. I was hoping it would settle down, but I'm basically on a roller coaster. I don't sleep well one night, so I sleep a lot the next night and then I can't sleep the night after that so I make it up (or at least try to) on the following night. Except that the experiment parameters don't let me sleep in very much, either, so that's kind of been an issue. The good news is that I have been basically keeping to a steady bedtime for almost a month. The bad news is that during that month I've been too tired to do much. Even by my standards. I have an appointment with the sleep doctor on Wednesday morning. I'll go over it with her and see what we can come up with.
Other than that, I was talking to my sister about the dog (while she was here for the holiday). He's getting old and doesn't move around much. She asked me if he's in constant pain. It's hard to tell with him because he's never complained about pain. But the fact that he won't stand up unless he has to says a lot to me. So I said "Yes." But she asked me how I knew, and I realized that I don't, really. I'm just guessing. Just a little while ago I realized that I'm probably a little biased on that question, and it hit me why: There has not been a moment in the last 20 years when I wasn't in at least some pain. Not always bad. I've learned to put it out of my mind as background noise most of the time. But it's always there. That's been the reality of my life. Which I've just sort of accepted and not thought much about, for the most part. But that made me take a step back.
There has not been a moment in the last 20 years when I have not been in at least some pain.
I just needed a minute to step back and process that statement, you know?